Qualities of an empathetic personality that can be beneficial to our lives, like not being prone to being manipulated, can be drowned out a little sometimes. When we’re dealing with the size of our hearts, the need for/to love, the state of our mental health and the current level of our confidence, certain situations (like my example of being manipulated) are more common. Therefore not all of us empaths are exactly the same and may have different qualities and paths in life, depending on those factors. This is my version of the way that I have been loved, treated, and responded to. It’s also about how I eventually began to understand the best qualities about myself.
• Some of you may think that if you’re an empath with a massive heart, as I am, that you are AKA a:
Have you ever been called these names? People that don’t understand our personality type can view our (wonderful!) qualities as reasons that we will ultimately fail or be incapable of accomplishing most things in our lives. This, understandably, results in us feeling less than or with us being taken advantage of.
• The qualities that we have make us who we are. Beautifully loving people!
We can all love with our whole hearts. We know how to be extremely loyal friends. We can sense when someone needs a pick me up and we do what we can to help. We can look at anyone and assume, and/or, find the best things about them. Our hearts AND brains are full of caring and affection!
• A cynical person may believe that those exact qualities definitely won’t do anyone any favours in the long run! They make you vulnerable & they make you weak! Even if they don’t feel that strongly, their opinions usually aren’t of a positive nature.
Cynics have said that loving wholeheartedly will just end with us getting knocked down because we NEED the same love back from others. And if it isn’t reciprocated, we’re just faced with the disappointment… I’m here to tell you that I am capable of sharing love, whether I get it back or not, because that’s not the reason why I begin a process of love. It’s to send my best version of my heart and positivity out, not how much will be sent back. Don’t get me wrong, shout-outs and support are always great, but I don’t EXPECT it.
They’ll state the same negative things about our empathizing loyalty. That we can be such loyal friends and loyal in our other relationships. That we can dedicate ourselves to someone else with the chance that we won’t get it back in return. I have been in relationships/friendships like this before. And I have always been able to eventually end them. It takes a while to get through this half-shell of mine and I need to have proof that I can trust you. But once that’s in place, I am seriously your ride or die. Proof of my own trust and loyalty is that my husband of 14 years is my very best friend, and I met my oldest, dearest (and one of very few) friends almost 20 years ago. That’s how loyal and dedicated I am capable of being.
• It can still surprise me how our instinct to be helpful is so belittled. All of the following things have been insinuated to me by ultimate cynics:
“We can’t help ourselves most of the time, how are we going to be able to help someone else?”
“We’re not capable of doing a lot to help other people, so really, why bother trying for people that won’t rush to help us when we need it??”
Because there have been people there to help me when I’ve needed it. And even if there weren’t people there, with time, I learned to radiate love, help, and spread positivity. It doesn’t hurt anybody and doesn’t take much effort. So when I am well, which has been quite consistently of late, I share the abilities that I do have.
• Our tendency to see the best in others can also be ridiculed. What kind of situation would make someone want to diminish that quality, you may ask?
If I see a stranger on the street and they say hello, I like to smile and say hello back. Others with me will sometimes respond with the following opinions.
“Welp, look out now because they probably want money and will beg!”
“I had better keep my hand on my wallet cause they’re scoping it out!”
“They all must be ‘crazy’!”
All of these reactions just because of me wanting to spread a little joy?!
If cynics proclaim to feel any different than this, then why are people so cold and show such refusal to share a smile and kind word? These small situations are the easiest ways to spread love, kindness, and the possibility to change someone’s bad day or negative mindset!
•• They just don’t understand how we have such an unlimited amount of love and affection.
•• They can be shrouded by their own negativity and their cynicism has jaded them to the point of forgetting how it feels to have their heart warmed.
• Speaking as an empath, but mostly as a human with feelings, unfortunately these are some of the people and situations that I have been faced with in my life.
People have been known to say that I have ‘thin skin.” I talked about this same subject on a recent IG post. I’ve always been shit on because of some cynics’ opinions of my thin skin.
Only now, at almost 37 years old, am I coming to terms with it myself.
“One of the biggest things that I have learned is that my skin will not get thicker.”
I used to think that that was something that was possible. I’ve got to get comfortable living in the skin I’m in, whether the cynics like it or not.
• I’ve always felt less than so many people surrounding me. That’s partially due to my personality and partially due to my mental health. I know all about having huge insecurities and the need to be liked by everyone. My eagerness to help and efforts of love, have at times, not been reciprocated and have been received with impatience, eyerolls and ignorance. A lot of the time, people won’t take me seriously and have been known to treat me like a child. Again partially because of my empath qualities and partially because of my mental health status.
• When you have a massive heart, it is a lot easier to be taken advantage of. Some folks are so cruel and rude, they know that most of us don’t like to say “No” when it comes to favours and pleasing people, so they will intentionally get us to do dirty work for them. (So many stories about this…another blog, another day!)
• Cynics also find it easier sometimes to exclude us rather than deal with a “softie”. When they don’t tell us about or include us in the same responsibilities that “normal” people are accomplishing, it can make us look like we are behind, late, or irresponsible.
• All of these cynical acts towards empaths…
Some pretty awful things…
The many, many disadvantages…
“I’ll take being an empath over being a cynic anyday. I really enjoy that my skin is rather thin, soft and inviting. I don’t want thick skin. It’s too hard and blocks out amazing acts of love from going in or out.”
• I’d rather have an overabundance of love in my heart than to have the skill of making fun of and laughing at somebody that feels the ways I do.
I’d rather give favours and other advantages to the cynic than to be selfish and NEVER think of anyone before myself.
I’d rather be a loyal friend to a small group of my loves and maybe end up getting burned once in awhile, than to be a fair-weather friend to a group of 100 “friends”.
•• Bottom line…
I have a huge heart. Good and bad things have come from that my whole life.
But this massive heart filled with love is mine, and I’m getting better and better at protecting it!!